Reply With QuoteCompulsive Aqua
By JAmes ZOldak…
iT WAS CLOSE TO FiVE YEARS AGO WHEN i EXPERiENCED MY FiRST TANK. IT WAS DOWNHILL FROM THERE, BY DOWNHILL I MEAN UPHILL, WELL, UPHILL WITH A LOT OF BUMPS, HEADSCRATCES, AND HAIR PULLING DELIGHT. AT THE END OF WHENEVER IT IS THAT ‘WE’ GET A BREAK FROM THE MONSTER (THAT’S WHAT MY WIFE CALLS IT) INSIDE OF US, WE CAN SIT BACK AND LISTEN TO THE OCEAN, SEE THE REEF THROUGH OUR OWN PERSONAL LOOKING GLASS, SMELL THE SALT FROM THE POWERHEAD THAT DISRUPTS THE WATER’S SURFACE, FEEL A MORAY EEL OR LET A CLOWN TRIGGER RIP A PIECE OF SHRIMP FROM OUR HAND AND TASTE SUCCESS (MOST OF THE TIME,UHH FOR SOME OF US PART OF THE TIME, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN…DO YOU REMEMBER YOUR FIRST TANK?).
TWENTYNINE GALLON
CAN’T BELIEVE THIS ALL STARTED BECAUSE OF A HAND ME DOWN FISH TANK. SOME OF THE THINGS YOU ARE GOING TO READ ARE NOT PLEASENT; PLEASE DON’T HOLD IT AGAINST ME. IGNORANCE AND JUST PLAIN STUPID. WHEN A PAST ROOMATE AND I WENT OUR SEPARATE WAYS, THERE WAS PIECE OF FURNITURE HE COULDN’T FIT IN HIS DODGE ARIES. YOU GUESSED IT A 29 GALLON TANK. YOU'RE A MINDREADER. LETS DESCRIBE IT’S EMACULATE CONITION: IT HAD AN UGF (UNDER GRAVEL FILTER) WITH ONE SIDE NOT FUNCTIONING, NO HEATER TO SPEAK OF, A BURNT OUT FLOURESCENT BULB, A CLOGGED AIR STONE, INCH AND HALF OF UNDETERMINABLE COLORED STONES WITH TWO INCHES OF WATER SO THICK WITH FISH SH*T THAT YOU COULDN’T SEE THE TWO CLASSIC GOLDFISH FLOPPING AROUND ON THE BOTTOM. RIGHT AGAIN, “I’LL TAKE IT!” I SAID. WAS MOVING TOMORROW SO I PUT THE TANK IN THE BACK SEAT OF MY CAR AND WENT TO BED. THE NEXT MORNING I DROVE TO MY NEW APT….UPSTAIR OF A HOUSE ON CLIFTON BLVD…GRRRREEAAT! I PROCEEDED TO CARRY THIS SAD EXCUSE OF A FISH HOME OF PROBABLY 50 DEGREE WATER UP THE STAIRS. UNFORTUNATELY, CREATING WAVES IS A BAD THING. I COVERED MYSELF IN FISH POOPIE; SMELLS GOOD LET ME TELL YOU.
FIRST THING WAS FIRST, I NEEDED WATER, RIGHT? I FILLED THE TANK WITH GOOD OLD CLEVELAND’S FINEST, TAP. I WAS ON MY WAY. TO MY SURPRISE, THROUGH WATERED DOWN FECES, THE TWO GOLDFISH BEGAN TO SWIM AROUND AND OH YA, THERE WAS ANOTHER FISH IN THERE. WHERE WERE YOU HIDDING LITTLE FISHY? A SUCKER FISH, I USE TO CALL THEM, BUT NOW IT’S KNOW AS A PLACATIMUS. I NEVER DID CLEAN THE POOP; I JUST LET IT SETTLE TO THE BOTTOM, DIDN’T KNOW HOW TO UNCLOG THE UGF, BUT MANAGED TO GET A COUPLE BUBBLES OUT OF THE AIR STONE AFTER I WASHED IT WITH SOAP. I LOOK BACK AND WONDER SOMETIMES ABOUT HOW THE H*LL THOSE FISH SURVIVED IN 50 DEGREE SH*T WATER, BUT THEY DID. AFTER WATCHING THE FISH EAT THEIR OWN CRAP FOR ABOUT TWO WEEKS, I DECIDED IT WAS TIME TO HEAD TO THE FISH STORE. I DO NOT WANNA MENTION THE STORES NAME SO WE WILL CALL IT “PETDUMB”. WHILE THERE, I PICKED A BULB, FIVE NEON TETRAS AND TWO MORE GOLDFISH. THE BLACK ONES WITH THE BULDGING EYES. OH, ALMOST FORGOT AND SOME FISH FOOD. AT THE TIME I DIDN'T ASK QUESTIONS. I DIDN’T SEE THE POINT. ANYONE CAN TAKE CARE OF FISH, RIGHT? MY DUMBASS DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT NITRATE OR ANY OTHER BACTERIA THAT COULD HARM FISH. SUPRISINGLY, THE FISH LIVED FOR SIX MONTHS WITH NO ILLNESS. I KNOW, CRAZY, HUH? NEXT COMES ANOTHER BILLIANT MOVE, I PAT MYSELF ON THE BACK FOR THINKING UP THIS ONE ALL BY MYSELF. I WAS BORED. “THIS IS EASY” I SAID TO MYSELF. LET’S HAVE A LITTLE FUN. BACK TO THE STORE I WENT. PETDUMB WAS MORE THAN HAPPY TO HELP ME WITH MY LITTLE PROJECT. I ASKED FOR A FISH THAT WOULD BEAT UP MY FISH. “HERE, THIS ONE AND A HALF INCH TIGER OSCAR WILL DO IT”, HE SAID. I COULDN’T WAIT TO GET HOME. I POURED THE WATER AND THE FISH RIGHT IN THERE. LETS NOT LET HIM ADJUST OR ANYTHING! GOD DAMN IT, NOTHING IS HAPPENING! WHY AREN’T THEY FIGHTING? TIME TO GO TO BED. LOW AND BEHOLDTHE NEXT MORNING I WOKE TO TWO LESS TETRAS. “WHERE DID THEY GO?” I ASKED MYSELF. AND WHEN I CAME HOME FROM WORK, NO MORE TETRAS. ONE BY ONE THIS STEALTHY OSCAR ANNAHILATED THEM IN THE DARK. HE DID NOT TOUCH THE PLACATUMUS. A WEEK LATER THE OSCAR WAS DEAD. WHY? WAS IT THE RAT OF THE SEA (GOLDFISH) HE ATE? DID THE PLACATUMUS KILL HIM? OR WAS IT THE FACT THAT TWO YEARS OF FISH SHIT MADE THE NITRATE TWICE AS HIGH AS MY CREDIT SCORE, 800? I KNOW, 400 LETS NOT TALK ABOUT IT, FISH, WE’RE TALKING ABOUT FISH. THAT WAS IT; I FLUSHED THE SUCKER AND PITCHED EVERYTHING EXCEPT THE TANK, LIGHT, AND STAND. TWO YEARS WENT BY TILL I TOUCHED IT AGAIN, BUT IN THE BACK OF MY MIND; I WAS ALWAYS THINKING ABOUT IT.
SECOND TWENTYNINE GALLON
THE OLD LADY AND I KINDA, SORTA SPLIT UP; YOU KNOW HOW THOSE THINGS GO SOMETIMES. I HAD A TWO BEDROOM BY MYSELF, JUST ME AND PENEOLPE (MY DAUGHTER). I NEEDED SOMETHING TO PASS MY FREE TIME. LITTLE DID I KNOW IT WOULD AMOUNT TO THIS. I’VE LUGGED THIS PIECE OF GLASS AROUND LONG ENOUGH, LET’S PUT IT TO USE. THIS TIME I WAS A LITTLE MORE INTERESTED AND DECIDED TO ASK SOME QUESTIONS AT PETDUMB. I GOT RID OF THE UGF, REPLACED IT WITH AN AQUACLEAR 30, GOT A LID FOR IT…EVAPERTION, DUH! BOUGHT A HEATER, THERMOMITER, NEW ROCKS (SUBSTRATE), AND SOME DECOR (TREE ROOTS FOR FISH COVER). I WAS ALL SET, NOW I NEEDED FISH. HE SAID’ “WHAT ABOUT CICHLIDS”…”WHAT ARE THOSE?” I REPLIED. HE RATTLED ON ABOUT THE FROWN SMILIE FACE, THEY WERE AGRRESSIVE, BUT NOT TOWARD EACH OTHER, ONLY OTHER TYPES FISHES. I PURCHASED FOUR. I DON’T REALLY KNOW, BUT I’M PRETTY SURE THEY WERE ALL CONVICT CICHLIDS. I WAS SMART NOW. I LET THEM ADAPT TO THE WATER FOR 10 MIUTES BEFORE RELEASING THEM TO THEIR SHORT LIVES. IMMEDIATELY THEY BEGAN TO FIGHT. BEFORE LONG (4 DAYS) THREE WERE DEAD. THE VICTOR I LATER FOUND OUT WAS A JEWEL CICHLID. WHY? I DID EVERYTHING RIGHT! WHY DIDN’T MY FISH LIVE? CYCLE YOU SAY, WHAT’S THAT? THIS BRUTE I WOULD COME TO FIND OUT LOOKED LONELY TO ME, SO LETS GO GET HIM SOME FRIENDS. THE “GUY” SAID,”I DON’T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED, MAN.” I LOST TWENTY DOLLARS WORTH OF FISH, THAT’S WHAT HAPPENED, MAN (THAT'S A LOT, HA). HE CONVINCED MY NAIVENESS TO BUY TWO FOUR INCH PEACOCK CICHLIDS, TWENTY MORE, WEEEE! THE JEWEL WAS ONLY AN INCH AND A HALF SO THERE WAS NO WAY HE COULD MESS WITH THEM. IM SURE IT WAS A COMBINATION OF WATER QUALITY AND THE FACT THAT HE HAD HIS TERRITORY ALREADY PICKED OUT. THEY LASTED TWO DAY. FLUSH. FOUR MORE RANDOM CICHLIDS. FLUSH. I GOT THAT LIGHTBULB ABOVE MY HEAD AGAIN. LET’S TRY AND FIND SOMETHING THAT CAN REALLY HANDLE ITS OWN. SIX INCH GREEN TERROR. NO CONTEST, RIGHT? IT TOOK TWO WEEKS BUT HE MANAGED TO REMOVE (BITE, SHRED) ALL OF HIS FINS, HE PUT UP A GOOD FIGHT THOUGH. GREEN TERROR. FLUSH. I DECIDED HE SHOULD BE ALONE AND WENT TO THE STORE AND BOUGHT A TEN GALLON TANK STARTER KIT FOR MY CICHLID THAT I QUITE PROUDLY NAMED “KILLER”.
THIRD TWENTYNINE GALLON
WHAT FUN, HUH? I FELT BAD FOR THE FISH AND FELT BAD ABOUT MY WALLET. THEN A FRIEND AT WORK SAYS TO ME,” HAVE YOU BEEN TO (CHANGED NAME FOR PROTECTION) SMR AQUACULTURE?” I HAD NOT BEEN, BUT WHAT COULD THIS FISH STORE HAVE THAT OTHERS DID NOT? WHAT A WORLD OF DIFFERENCE, TO HAVE A GOOD FISHES DEALER. FIRST QUESTION OUT OF THE EMPOYEE’S MOUTH WAS,”HAS YOUR TANK CYCLED YET?” HUH? WHAT? SO THE EXPLAINATION BEGAN ON WHAT, WHY, AND HOW CYCLING IN PERTINENT
Figure 1 FIRST COUPLE OF WEEKS…HORRIBLE DESIGN.
Figure 2 AT TWO MONTHS, JUST STARTING TO DECORATE
Figure 3 SIX MONTHS, THINK I WAS FINALLY HAPPY WITH THE DESIGN
FOR A SUCCESSFUL AQUARIUM. I REALLY WANTED TO BUY SOME FISH THAT DAY, BUT HE SUGGESTED (WITH SOME VIGOR IN HIS VOICE) NOT TO. A SALES PERSON, NOT PUSHING A SALE, WHAT THE HE__? INSTEAD HE SUGGESTED SOME TEST STRIPS AND A BOOK ABOUT FRESHWATER AQUARIUMS I BOUGHT TWO (AQUARIUM CARE OF CICHLIDS BY CLAIDIA DICKINSON/ANIMAL PLANET, TO TRY AND FIGURE OUT WHAT WENT WRONG AND FRESHWATER AQUARIUMS ALSO BY ANIMAL PLANET, BOTH ARE GOOD READS FOR A BEGINNER). HE ALSO TOLD ME TO COME BACK IN THREE WEEKS WHEN MY AMMONIA, NITRITE AND NITRATE WERE ZERO HENCE A CYCLED TANK. I WOULD HAVE TO SAY HERE IS WHEN IT ALL STARTED. THE ROWS AND ROWS OF TROPICAL FISHES, PLANTS, MARINE FISHES, INVERTABRITES, HARD CORALS, SOFT CORALS AND ANOMONES (WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?) I SAY “THIS IS WHEN IT ALL BEGAN” BECAUSE I BEGAN TO READ…. AND TO THIS DAY I HAVE NOT STOPPED. THE GREAT THING ABOUT THIS HOBBY IS THAT LIKE LIFE YOU CAN LEARN SOMETHING NEW EVERYDAY (THOSE OF YOU WHO THINK YOU KNOW IT ALL, THINK AGAIN, DUMB*SS). AMMONIA, NITRITE, NITRATE, CYCLING, FILTERS, HEATERS, FROZEN FOOD, FRAY, PROTEIN SKIMMER, WETR/DRY, METAL HALITES…THE LIST IS ENDLESS, I LOVE THIS HOBBY AND OBVIOUSLY YOU DO TO IF YOU ARE READING THIS ARTICLE. NOW BACK TO THE TOPIC AT HAND, ENOUGH OF THE MUSHY STUFF. I WENT HOME AND DID AS HE SUGGSTED, SINCE THERE HAD BEEN THE FLURRY OF FISH BATTLES IN MY TWENTYNINE GALLON TANK, IT TOOK ONLY ABOUT A WEEK FOR THE PEE-PEE AND POOH-POOH, AS MY DAUGHTER CALLS IT, TO BREAK DOWN. I STILL WAITED FOR THREE WEEKS THOUGH. BACK TO SMR I WENT. NOT HAVING ANY SORT OF THEME IN MY MIND FOR THE TYPE OF TANK I WANTED, I JUST CHOSE THE FISH THAT LOOKED COOL TO ME (AND I EVEN LET MY WIFE PICK OUT A COUPLE). WHAT WAS BAGGD UP AND TAKEN HOME WAS THREE 4IN BALA SHARKS (PRETTY MINNOW), THREE 2IN MARBLE ANGELFISH, AND I GOT THE TEN PACK OF NEON TETRAS FOR A STEAL OUT THE DOOR. TO SHOW WHAT I MEAN BY A GOOD FISH DEALER IS HOW INFORMATIVE THEY ARE TO YOU. AND IF THEY REALLY DON’T KNOW THE ANSWER, THEY SAY SO. THE SALESMAN TOLD ME THAT WHEN THE SHARKS GOT BIGGER THEY COULD POSSIBLY EAT THE NEONS, BUT IT WOULD BE A WHILE. ALSO, THE TANKS AT THE STORE SHOULD BE REALITIVELY CLEAN, VOID OF DEAD FISHES, AND DISEASE.
Originally Posted by CompulsiveAqua
I appreciate you sharing so others may learn. 
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