Skurvey Dog
12-28-2007, 01:04 AM
Olah! Skurvey Dogs! :love!:
Ok, Ok, I like to write a little when I've had a few and I also create fantasy art, some of which is mediocre and some that is quite good. I have written a piece from a mermaid's perspective, for a web site that I am working on at the moment and wanted to see what kind of feed back or suggestions for fine tuning this piece. I personally think that the body is good, perhaps the flow needs some tweeking and rearranging. If you're not too abrasive, perhaps I will let you critique the 2 versions of the fantasy art mermaid that I have done to go with this piece. Word usage is important to me and with all my work, it holds a hidden meaning that is not forefront obvious to the reader if read only one time. I unfortunately was one of those literary students who sat down and diagramed phrases and analized word usage to find the innermost meanings that were not so obvious to the reader. :up: Who knows, I either don't have an interesting life or I am boring. Anyway, if interested in reading an ametuer writing here goes.
Languorous waves of metallic hues, snow capped in frosty sea of blue. This rolling rhythm, old as time, her invisible tongue lapping out waves, salt spray and foam. The three of these, a constant companion I call my own. My sanctuary from the rest of the world, yes, I have come out to play. I lovingly call this place my home. My underwater world, spun only by Titan’s dreams, so free without chains to bind me, to roam freely as if on a flying fish’s gilded wings.
Languorous waves of metallic hues, snow capped in frosty sea of blue. The moon doth plot your course, a harsh task master driving you to sandy shores. What a strange creation she is, a woman to the core, as if only a whim to turn and change your course. What treasures do you leave behind, when moon and knowing stars refuse to shine? Are they left stranded along that sandy beach, no more the ocean’s bottom do they reach? Eternal pattern woven through time. We leave our under world’s bounty and treasures behind, the land dwellers, our proof of existence for them to find?
Languorous waves of metallic hues, snow capped in frosty sea of blue. I sun bathe upon my cluster of rocks, a blanket of kelp do I use. The wind she sings and lulls away the day, while sun shines bright to penetrate the water’s surface. With fingers of light doth she guide the way, lighting an underworld of play.
Listen to me my sea of foam, lapping of waves, and churning loam, upon my rocks, a peaceful place I find, to dry mine hair and cast far my eyes. To view the human world just within reach, to make a wish, a change within me. To shed my tail for a pair of land legs, a selkie’s magic will take me there.
Languorous waves of metallic hues, a safety I find within your snow capped sea of blue. Oh how I wish the land to roam, but he is such a stranger from the home I have known. How I wish to bathe within the shore’s sun kissed lagoon, to hear the tern and gull shrill calls, the smell of palm trees lingering in the air. To have toes to touch the dry sands of the shore, a pair of legs to do so much more. To walk, to run, to roll and play, for me a pleasant dream. But what a horrible price to pay if the ocean were forbidden to me and a land dweller I would be forced to stay.
My languorous waves of rich metallic hues, my lapping waves of beautiful snow capped frosty hues. Within your depths I have been born and will remain for ever more. Let sun kiss land’s sandy shores, and her teasing smells drift across the changing tides. I will look always with longing eyes, but will remain within the safety of your depth. My wisdom tells me to do otherwise would fill my life with nothing but regret.
Languorous waves of metallic hues, snow capped in frosty sea of blue. This rolling rhythm, old as time, her invisible tongue lapping out waves, salt spray and foam. The three of these, a constant companion for evermore.
Ok, Ok, I like to write a little when I've had a few and I also create fantasy art, some of which is mediocre and some that is quite good. I have written a piece from a mermaid's perspective, for a web site that I am working on at the moment and wanted to see what kind of feed back or suggestions for fine tuning this piece. I personally think that the body is good, perhaps the flow needs some tweeking and rearranging. If you're not too abrasive, perhaps I will let you critique the 2 versions of the fantasy art mermaid that I have done to go with this piece. Word usage is important to me and with all my work, it holds a hidden meaning that is not forefront obvious to the reader if read only one time. I unfortunately was one of those literary students who sat down and diagramed phrases and analized word usage to find the innermost meanings that were not so obvious to the reader. :up: Who knows, I either don't have an interesting life or I am boring. Anyway, if interested in reading an ametuer writing here goes.
Languorous waves of metallic hues, snow capped in frosty sea of blue. This rolling rhythm, old as time, her invisible tongue lapping out waves, salt spray and foam. The three of these, a constant companion I call my own. My sanctuary from the rest of the world, yes, I have come out to play. I lovingly call this place my home. My underwater world, spun only by Titan’s dreams, so free without chains to bind me, to roam freely as if on a flying fish’s gilded wings.
Languorous waves of metallic hues, snow capped in frosty sea of blue. The moon doth plot your course, a harsh task master driving you to sandy shores. What a strange creation she is, a woman to the core, as if only a whim to turn and change your course. What treasures do you leave behind, when moon and knowing stars refuse to shine? Are they left stranded along that sandy beach, no more the ocean’s bottom do they reach? Eternal pattern woven through time. We leave our under world’s bounty and treasures behind, the land dwellers, our proof of existence for them to find?
Languorous waves of metallic hues, snow capped in frosty sea of blue. I sun bathe upon my cluster of rocks, a blanket of kelp do I use. The wind she sings and lulls away the day, while sun shines bright to penetrate the water’s surface. With fingers of light doth she guide the way, lighting an underworld of play.
Listen to me my sea of foam, lapping of waves, and churning loam, upon my rocks, a peaceful place I find, to dry mine hair and cast far my eyes. To view the human world just within reach, to make a wish, a change within me. To shed my tail for a pair of land legs, a selkie’s magic will take me there.
Languorous waves of metallic hues, a safety I find within your snow capped sea of blue. Oh how I wish the land to roam, but he is such a stranger from the home I have known. How I wish to bathe within the shore’s sun kissed lagoon, to hear the tern and gull shrill calls, the smell of palm trees lingering in the air. To have toes to touch the dry sands of the shore, a pair of legs to do so much more. To walk, to run, to roll and play, for me a pleasant dream. But what a horrible price to pay if the ocean were forbidden to me and a land dweller I would be forced to stay.
My languorous waves of rich metallic hues, my lapping waves of beautiful snow capped frosty hues. Within your depths I have been born and will remain for ever more. Let sun kiss land’s sandy shores, and her teasing smells drift across the changing tides. I will look always with longing eyes, but will remain within the safety of your depth. My wisdom tells me to do otherwise would fill my life with nothing but regret.
Languorous waves of metallic hues, snow capped in frosty sea of blue. This rolling rhythm, old as time, her invisible tongue lapping out waves, salt spray and foam. The three of these, a constant companion for evermore.